The easiest way to deepen relationships - one conversation at a time
My partner took on the presidency of his sports club recently. He seemed honoured to get the opportunity, so I’d expected him to be excited after he’d been formally appointed. But he was sitting quietly. When I asked him what was on his mind, he said he was thinking about the responsibility he’d taken on. Of course I have full confidence in him, and if I’d responded with that, with the best intentions, that would have been the end of the conversation. He’d have kept his thoughts to himself as I’d have made him feel like he shouldn’t have any concerns or that I wasn’t interested in hearing about them. We’d each be on our own little island.
But I want us to share what is on our mind, so that is not what I said. I asked him what he was most worried about. That gave him the chance to sort through his thoughts and hear himself articulate exactly what those key points were. They seemed quite manageable then: he came up with a plan and was back to feeling great about the opportunity to make a difference. Next time something is on his mind he’ll know he can talk to me about it.
I am sharing this - with his agreement of course - because it struck me how easy this is and yet how crucial to the closeness of our relationship. And how often I’ve witnessed missed opportunities, at work and in personal relationships. If you want a trusting relationship with someone that makes it possible to raise any concern and work through it together, simply give the person your attention. Next time you talk to them. Don’t wait for a problem to arise. Simply give them space to air their thoughts. You don’t have to know or guess what’s on their mind. Ask them, and accept whatever they are willing to share. Sometimes they won’t be ready. Then they’ll know that you’ve seen they are preoccupied and that you are willing to listen when they are ready. If you want people to feel comfortable enough to share with you, don’t push them.
Maybe in a future post I’ll get into how to handle conflict, but if you want better relationships, start here. With the next conversation, as simple as it may be.
If this sparks anything for you, give me a call. Do share with anyone who you think may like to read this. Sharing is caring!
watch your relationships blossom!
