When data doesn’t convince

I used to think of myself as logical, data-driven, sensible. So I totally understand when someone asks me to help them figure out what more they could do to get their message across, or simply even to manage their own frustration. They say things like: I’ve explained it in all the ways I can think of, I’ve repeated myself, answered questions, and they’re just not buying it. Or: I’ve parsed the data, built the story, talked the stakeholders through it, and then - nothing happens. So frustrating.

What these people are missing, as I once was, is understanding how much our views and decisions are driven not by logic and data, but by a desire to keep our beliefs intact. We have spent a lifetime cultivating what we believe to be valuable, meaningful, true for us. When we receive input that doesn’t quite fit with that, our first instinct is to dismiss the jarring data and shore up our own beliefs: if I accept (this new data), then [this belief I hold] no longer holds, either. That is simply too much to take in right now. I know that my own beliefs are sound, so that is what I’m going to go with, for now. For example: if I accept to use an AI agent for these tasks from now on, I can no longer believe that my role here is valuable. Once you’ve cooled off you migth begin to see you could evolve the way you define your value, but not in the heat of the moment.

You’ll be familiar with the fight, flight, freeze or fawn responses - this is where they can kick in, on both sides. If you want people to go beyond that protective reflex and open their mind to what you want them to hear, you’re better off climbing down from your own defenses and your own beliefs and meet them where they are. You can only move forward together.

You can absolutely learn how to do this more easily. As with most things, once you see what is happening, you hold a key that can unlock an entirely different level and tone of engagement. Even if it does take two to tango, you’d be surprised how much more you can get out of your conversations.

Curious? Great start! Let’s talk more. You can do this.

Howth Marina - own photo